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a luscious mix of words and tricks

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(no subject) [Dec. 26th, 2013|01:44 pm]
a luscious mix of words and tricks
Did I leave anything out? Did I express myself clearly and correctly?

Now I wait. For either acceptance or rejection. My bets are on the latter.

More clarification. More waiting.

You need to understand that even thinking about those things make me sick to my stomach.

It makes me want to run screaming in the opposite direction.

No more words. No more clever analogies.

Lets just see where this goes.
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Let you fall... [Oct. 28th, 2012|01:09 am]
a luscious mix of words and tricks

You can sin or spend the night all alone...
If you let me have my way, I swear ill tear you apart.
(It's ladies night, all the girls drink for free)
Let you fall for every empty word I say..
Your eyes are fighting sleep while your mouth makes your demands.
Lie for fun and fake the way I hold you.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

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Years [Sep. 8th, 2012|10:54 pm]
a luscious mix of words and tricks

Your laugh.
Your eyes.
Your smile.
Your hands.
Your arms wrapped tightly around me.
Your skin against mine.
Your honesty.
Your genuine affection.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

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(no subject) [Aug. 10th, 2012|09:07 pm]
a luscious mix of words and tricks

Fuck you. This is why we can't just be friends. I can't just sit by and watch while you hold someone else. Makes me sick. Makes me sad. Makes me want everything you could never ever give me. Fuck you.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

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Fuck [Aug. 10th, 2012|08:58 pm]
a luscious mix of words and tricks

I should not think these things. The thought of you with someone else under the stars.....

You never deserved me anyway.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

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Vest [Jul. 23rd, 2012|01:42 am]
a luscious mix of words and tricks

Clinging to your skin,
Breathing in so deep taking it in.
Trying not to be scared.
Well maybe this is finally be the end.
Oh how do we get so far away?
Oh how do we get back to where we should be?
I don't ever want to go there again.
Moving slowly, avoid your gaze.
I pull you down, to see your ways.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

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Stop [Jun. 23rd, 2012|02:12 am]
a luscious mix of words and tricks

If I wasn't so lonely I wouldn't miss you so much.

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Attempt [May. 30th, 2012|02:09 am]
a luscious mix of words and tricks


I hate that you don't make me happy, you just make me feel wanted...

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

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(no subject) [Feb. 29th, 2012|12:35 am]
a luscious mix of words and tricks

For some reason this girl on my Facebook is always at the bar you inhabit on Wednesday nights... She also quoted billy idol in a status update. I distinctly remember us always hearing bully idol everywhere we went in those last few months. Even, once when we were at the bar, I believe we made a joke that billy idol was following us.
I miss your laugh. But I still hate you for being with her... This was your choice.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

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(no subject) [Feb. 22nd, 2012|11:12 pm]
a luscious mix of words and tricks
[Current Location |US, Texas, San Antonio, Bexar, Wild Turkey W, 2373]

You are right up the street.
But I cannot see you.
Cannot feel you.
I cannot kiss you goodnight.
Were these last months so brief?
Did I really get to hold you for so many nights?
Was the ocean ever really there?
Sometimes I wonder how things would have been, if she has never come along....

And I told you to be patient, and I told you to be fine. And I told you to be best, and I told you to be kind. So now all your love is wasted, and who the hell was I?

Who will love you?...
Who will fight?..
And who will fall, fall behind?

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

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(no subject) [Feb. 21st, 2012|09:07 pm]
a luscious mix of words and tricks
[Current Location |US, Texas, San Antonio, Bexar, Wild Turkey W, 2367]

Skin on fire with anticipation

....and yet I still dream about your touch.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

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(no subject) [Feb. 14th, 2012|12:24 am]
a luscious mix of words and tricks
[Current Location |US, Texas, San Antonio, Bexar, Wild Turkey W, 2365]

Who will you become?
Where will you go?
Which one will you choose?
Will you think of me at all?
I am without you now.
You are no longer holding me,
Kissing my back as I fall asleep.
You are not in between my sheets.
The beach is gone.
Waves recede back to the current of my memories.
Pages upon pages of words you will never see.
I can hear your voice, I hear myself laughing at your side.
I can see your blue eyes looking back as we sink into each other.
Was it so easy to walk away?
Was I not worth fighting for?
I just want to stop missing you.
I want to stop wanting you and thinking about you.
I'm sick of all the things that show up to remind me that you are gone..
Is it the same for you?
Either way things will never be the same.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

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(no subject) [Feb. 14th, 2012|12:14 am]
a luscious mix of words and tricks
[Current Location |US, Texas, San Antonio, Bexar, Wild Turkey W, 2375]

Day one, you're gone.
I hate this. I have lost you all over again.
Day two, early morning storm.
I reach out to feel you.
Cold sheets, dried tears.
Songs that hurt too much.
Day three, I try not to think.
About your voice, your eyes, your hands.
Day six, I cry until my breath is gone.
The sky pours down all my sorrows
through the rain.
Day 7, where are you tonight?
Are you with your children?
Or sleeping in her bed?
Day 8, good friends tend my wounds.
I have all these questions I want to ask you.
Day 9, bruises fade.
I realize you will never bruise me again.
I peel back my layers hoping to find remainders of your memory.
Day 10, I put myself back together.
Pieces slowly glue themselves together.
I try to remember you love me, I try to remember this for the better.

Now it's been 2 months and I still feel as though I'm stuck on day one. I miss you. This could get repetitive...

I thought of you, and where you've gone, let the world spend madly on...

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(no subject) [Jan. 25th, 2012|09:56 pm]
a luscious mix of words and tricks
[Current Location |US, Texas, San Antonio, Bexar, Caleta Beach, 107]

Running. Running away from you. Running away from our memories. Avoiding awkward 'hello's' and 'goodbye's. How did the years bring us to the point of being strangers.

Actin like we were nothing...

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

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(no subject) [Jan. 18th, 2012|09:45 pm]
a luscious mix of words and tricks
[Current Location |US, Texas, San Antonio, Bexar, Caleta Beach, 101]

Now you're just somebody that I used to know...

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(no subject) [Jan. 12th, 2012|12:15 am]
a luscious mix of words and tricks
[Current Location |US, Texas, San Antonio, Bexar, Pebble Breeze, 2627]

I will not think about you tonight. I will not miss you. I will not wonder where you are. Or if you are with her, side by side. Drinking, singing, laughing, making love...falling asleep with your arms wrapped tightly around her.

I refuse to allow you to be my constant ever again.

How could you take all those words and just put them on a shelf? Wasn't I more than that? Didn't I mean more than a song that simply collects dust? Because I could write a symphony for centuries about everything you've put me through.

There are pages upon pages that i have written about your eyes, your touch, all of my lust for every inch of your soul. And yet.. You didn't listen. You didn't even take the time to hear everything I could not say myself.

You were supposed to take care of me. So instead I'm going to take care of myself. Because the truth is, I will never be 'safe' from you. I will face our memories every day as little reminders constantly crawl in to my world, peering in through windows of opportunity for nostalgia. Each one is a reminder of why I stayed, and why I left.

God, how could you not listen? Even at the end you still found a way to sell my love short. You managed to rip me out of limbo once again only to reduce me to dust.

But the wind has always been my ally, and I trust that it will carry these ashes you have left far away from the emotional terroristic destruction you have caused. I have already started to rebuild myself. I am becoming who I am meat to become. I am realizing that everything i thought I wanted you to teach me, I already know. And everything I haven't learned, I know now that I can without YOU.

This time I'm not coming back.
This time I know you are gone forever, and any hope that was stashed away in my heart, is now on display, in flames.

Goodbye my creator, my savior. And thank you.

I don't think there is a sound that I hate more
Than the sound of your voice
When you say that you don't love me anymore

But I saw you fall in love with no hands up
And I saw you fall in love with no hands up

And after all
You felt so small in his arms
You felt so small under the charm that warmed your heart

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(no subject) [Jan. 8th, 2012|12:54 am]
a luscious mix of words and tricks
[Current Location |US, Texas, Hill Country Village, Bexar, San Pedro Ave, 13773]

Why are there girls everywhere that look like her? Fuck!

At least you're miles and miles away...

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

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(no subject) [Jan. 2nd, 2012|08:17 pm]
a luscious mix of words and tricks
[Current Location |US, Texas, San Antonio, Bexar, San Pedro Ave]

Slowly you are fading into memories. Slowly I am starting to question why I ever loved you at all. Then I remember every moment worth holding on to and it's as if a tidle wave of needles has crashed over my head.

It's scary that I am so okay without you. That I don't cringe every time you cross my mind. It's been so long, I never imagined a life without you in it. And now that you're gone, I'm still whole. I never lost me.

But it will be some time before I can forever escape those moments where i don't wish you were immediately at my side. Nights where I want to call you or text you, but I know you're holding her. It will be a while before I don't wonder where you are, if you're thinking about me, and if you miss me...

I love you. I hope you know how much you mean to me. But I'm happy now. Happy with where I can go and what I can do to get there without you. I hope you find what you need. I hope you realize that was always me. And when I close my eyes I will always know you are out there on that ocean wave, disappearing into that horizon, leaving me alone forever on that infinite shore.

Except this time I'm not waiting for you to come back....

Oh the years that have all been erased
No superficial shelter could ever replace
And its all you we're searching for
Another adequate replacement
To walk through your door
We're content with illusions
And our downhill eyes

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(no subject) [Dec. 23rd, 2011|01:26 pm]
a luscious mix of words and tricks
[Current Location |US, Texas, San Antonio, Bexar, San Pedro Ave]

If you walk away, I'll walk away.
Fist tell me which road you will take.
I don't wanna risk our paths crossing some day.
So you walk that way.
I'll walk this way.

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(no subject) [Nov. 16th, 2011|10:36 pm]
a luscious mix of words and tricks
I will not think about where you are tonight. I will not think about the fact that you are gone. That you do not love me the way I love you. I will not think about the fact that I last saw you November 14th. We did not go camping. I did not get to hold you one last time under the stars. Instead I didn't see you on your birthday at all. The next morning you came over, you were wearing a blue long sleeve stripe shirt. Gray pants I think. I didn't expect you to cry. And now you're gone, after all these years. You.Are.Gone.

Where will you go? You're already fine. You don't miss me the way I miss you. Isn't that always the case? I've lost my creator. I have severed the roots he molded from the earth and my soul. My heart, is now free to love. But sometimes I fear I will only ever belong to you. Will I ever be able to give myself to anyone fully, ever again? Yes.

This kills me. This kills me that you are with her. And you'll continue to be with her, then another, and another. Until one day, she'll come along. Maybe you've already met her, maybe she's all the way across the country. But she's out there. And she is not me. It should have always been me.

Tonight I'm going to remember that I am loved. I am going to remember that I am not alone, and that you never deserved the love I offered you on a silver platter. No connection. Rejection. I hate you. I miss you. I will always miss you, until one day...

I won't.

I don't know where were going
but I know where we've been.
We've been hiding from each other,
we've been hiding from our sins.
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(no subject) [Sep. 17th, 2011|02:02 pm]
a luscious mix of words and tricks
I need to just accept who I am to you. I need to embrace where I stand in your life. I need to get over the sex, and get over you sleeping with other people. It's just sex. It's nature. It's nothing more than that, you care for me more than the others.

So why can't i just get over it?
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(no subject) [Sep. 14th, 2011|08:57 pm]
a luscious mix of words and tricks
When I awoke the next day in my bed, I wished for nothing for but the sound of the ocean, and your touch...

I love you.
I know you love me too.

But what about when you finally do find her?
Where will that leave me?
Heartbroken at 18 all over again?
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(no subject) [Jul. 8th, 2011|04:47 pm]
a luscious mix of words and tricks
Soon, you're going to be gone forever.
Soon, I'm going to tell you that i can never see you again.
Not even as friends.
It's time to let you go.
You're not in love with me, you don't feel the same way.
And i want to say: That's okay...
but no.
It's not alright,
I am not alright watching you have your fun.
It will never be over for me.
'Time and effort' you say.
Fuck you.
Why did you make me promise not to steal you?
Why did you even make it sound possible?
I bet she's beautiful.
They'll all be beautiful.
I hope they are worth it.
I hope when you find her, you'll realize that it should have been me.
But you won't.
I hate you for that, i always will.
I'm going to miss you so much.
It will be strange without your number in my phone,
It will be strange to no longer hope that you'll text me at any moment.
You are not who i thought.
I am uprooting myself from the bond that's held me to you for all these years.
It has to end.
Your hands on her... on any of them...
i can't take it anymore.
It's too many years with too many moments of nothing.
And you say you know,
and you probably do.
But not this time.
How will i tell you?
Fuck I'm going to miss you so much.
I already miss the sex (stopping that has changed nothing btw,
i only resent you more for touching those whores)
I know what i need to do.
You will be understanding.
Present your logic once more.
I plan on spitting on it in memory of loosing you all over again.
I can hardly stand to think about it.
But this time, when you're gone, when you leave..
It's forever.

You know how the time flies
Only yesterday
It was the time of our lives
We were born and raised
In a summer haze
Bound by the surprise
Of our glory days

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over.
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(no subject) [Oct. 1st, 2010|12:26 pm]
a luscious mix of words and tricks
how do i do this? how do i let you go? how do i get over you after denying there was anything to get over for three years. you are my creator. you are the root of how i came to be. you showed me everything, opened up the world in my eyes. showed me how infinite the world can be. and now it's all changed and there's nothing i can do.
but HOW!

how do i fucking let you go? cut you out of my life? impossible. i crave you. i need you. i need your guidance. but is it worth it? i have to choose. BUT I CANT! how do i get past all of this? YOU DON'T LOVE HER ANYMORE!
you are going against your spirit to stay with her. you're fighting those animalistic instincts again to walk. to go explore. you are choosing 9-5, you are choosing comfort, and no one (especially not i) blames you for choosing to stay for your son.

do you remember that night you walked from 1-35 and judson? your phone died right before you got there. i still remember how you looked sticking your head through my window. you were wearing a bandana. we made love all night. you laid there and told me that you may have to leave soon. you were only staying for me and your daughter (who at that time was just a baby). how badly you wanted to walk. leave everything except your back pack and just start walking. at the time i thought that was you breaking my heart, but i was wrong. it still hurt, but i told you i would wait. told you i would love you and support you no matter where you went. even if it meant not hearing from you for months, i would be here.

and now you are staying, but not for you. you should have gone all those years ago. but there she was. and the moment you told me her name i knew that was the end of us. but it wasn't. not even close.

so how do i let you go? when i have only just begun to let in all the hurt i have, all the hopelessness i feel for you. things i have kept hidden and denied myself for YEARS. how do i begin to feel and accept and let it GO? i can't. not yet. its not time. i need to feel this out. i need to get through the hurting. i need to let myself feel these things. maybe then i can figure it out enough to eventually be free of you.
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(no subject) [Oct. 1st, 2010|11:54 am]
a luscious mix of words and tricks
it feels good to be black and blue again.
to feel you in my bruises every day as i go about my simple routine.
but they are not his bruises. they did not come from his hand, they came from yours.
and that, my darling, is the problem.
but he has the ring on his finger, it is not that simple.
i must accept that he may never leave her.
not just for me, but for any reason.
but i can SEE IT. i can FEEL it when he speaks.
he does not love her.
and i love him, but he can't love me anytime soon.
but you do.
you love me.
i hear these words trickle drunkenly past your lips.
i try to hear every word with an open mind.
but my heart retreats.
its impossible to give you something that someone else will always hold.
but i must let him go.
i must leave these fantasies of him leaving her behind!
if our paths are meant to cross they will.
but for now it is not that easy, lucky, or free.
so i burry my head in these songs no one understands.
i blast the words that you can't stand to hear.
i shut out all the doubt i'm having in this storm of lust.
what are we?
where are we going?
who the FUCK are YOU anyway?

but i can't help it now
looking for faces in the clouds
i got some friends i barely see
but we're all planning to meet
we'll lay in bags as dead as leaves
all together for eternity
but don't you weep
there is no one as lucky
honey, don't you weep
there is nothing as lucky, as easy, or free
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(no subject) [Oct. 1st, 2010|02:14 am]
a luscious mix of words and tricks
a choice.
one life or the other.
do i leave it behind or is it forever glued to my heart?
i can't have both.
but he will never be you.
none of them will be.
until the one comes along that overshadows what you taught me,
none of them will ever measure up.
you are a ghost.
but as i take my steps day by day,
i walk beside you.
even though i walk with him,
he has struck one too many nerves already.
i miss your honesty.
your touch.
our talks.
i miss the way you felt all those years ago falling asleep next to me.
i still cant walk in to a little ceasars without feeling 17 again.
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(no subject) [Sep. 25th, 2010|05:39 am]
a luscious mix of words and tricks
I came upon a child of god.
He was walking along the road.
And I asked him, where are you going?
And this he told me,
'Im going on down to yasgurs farm.
Im going to join in a rock n roll band.
Im going to camp out on the land.
Im going to try an get my soul free.
We are stardust.
We are golden.

And weve got to get ourselves..
Back to the garden

red flags.
a warning.
but feeling so at peace.
or maybe i am confusing peace for internal chaos.
what will we actually loose each other to?
its almost 6am and your scent is all over me.
i can't wait to fall asleep and wake up next to you for days on end.
that is where this is going.
and im going to keep it in my pants.
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(no subject) [Sep. 20th, 2010|10:14 pm]
a luscious mix of words and tricks
i want to say that this will never work.
i want to say that there are things about you that remind me of him SO much,
i almost want to end it.
i want to say that i dont trust you yet,
that im keeping a very close eye on my heart.
it doesnt belong to you yet.
i am not dick whipped. you havent earned that yet.
i want to say that you have to prove to me that you're worth this.
i want to say that the honeymoon period shouldnt end in two weeks.
i want to say that if you dont fuck me when i want, then i'll end this.
because i sacrificed my sexuality for 2 years, and i wont do it again.
i want to say that im scared you'll start using again,
that your addiction terrifies me.
i want to say that you haven't even called me beautiful yet.
i want to say that i will not let you in any time soon.
i want to say that if you go back to that black and brown I WILL ERASE YOU!
i want to say that if you dont want to travel and see the world then this can't be forever.
i want to say that the comment you made about my weight (as polite as it was) hurt me even though it was justified.
i want to say that what you said about how NORMALLY you fall really hard and fast for someone,
cut me to the core.
i want to say that you confuse me, that i hate not seeing inside your mind.
i want to say that i hate that you're not him with the blue eyes.
i want to say that i dont like the fact that you left so early tonight,
i think you were going to get drugs.
i want to say that i know im just being paranoid, but the former addict of my life has left me with a terrible sense of always being suspicious.
i want to say that we are water and oil.
i want to say that if you contaminate my waves then i'll burn you up in to oblivion.
i want to say that i dont see how this will ever work out.
i want to say that i'm too scared to find out how it will end.
i want to say that i care for you so much it hurts.
but i also want to say that, although i wear your heart around my neck, i am keeping mine in my chest. safely hidden behind a cage of bones and flesh.
if you want it... you have to come and fucking get it.
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(no subject) [Sep. 20th, 2010|03:28 pm]
a luscious mix of words and tricks
in every way possible.
sleeping in a bed thats not my own.
the last time i did was when i left him for a week.
yes, i am mad at myself.
but other than that,
how do oil and water mix?
they can't.
so how the FUCK is this going to work?!
prove to me that you're worth this.
because i know i am.
now it's your turn.
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(no subject) [Sep. 15th, 2010|01:03 pm]
a luscious mix of words and tricks
i am taken.
'you're mine. i own you now. i'm giving you my heart.'
and so i wear this chain light as a feather around my neck.
i carry you with me where ever i go.
you are never far from my mind.
i have known you only a week and 3 days.
what's to become of us?
now a new city takes hold and my mind explodes with possibilities.
but where are YOU going?
'austin and i wouldnt get along'
some words you have said have already broken my heart.
while my eyes are set on the horizon,
yours see right through me to the ground below our feet.
and it's here that you will stay, you say.
things have never been easy with me.
why should the clocks arms wave in our favor?
but i still keep you close to me.
i play with your heart when the tides seem to shift.
will you ever arrive?
for now a dead signal keeps me far far away from those i love.
it is not fair these miles have to seperate us so far, and so fucking fast.
where are you right at this moment?
making love in emptiness.
all over the carpet of my old apartment.
we wrapped ourselves together and fucked for hours.
i captured my contentness in a photograph.
i can still feel your hands on me.
what i wouldnt give, to have you here, existing.
but as you said 'it will take something very dark and twisted for this to end'
i cant help but think that you are very right.
but where this is going, i couldnt say.
but i plan on enjoying every single moment of it,
every single step of the way.
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(no subject) [Sep. 4th, 2010|03:22 pm]
a luscious mix of words and tricks



how come you didnt talk to me at crabbys the other night?

are things akward between us?

b/c i was with my girlfriend and she knows what happened and if i had told her who you were or said your name she would have flipped shit

ohhh didnt know


ok well thats cool

shes a black belt and shit, and thats not just me talkin

so i didnt want her to try and fight you lol

oh ok well thanks.

i dont like drama ya know?

so i figured i'd spare you some


but yeah things are a little awkward. i didnt expect that to happen when i came over that day

i didnt know it was a booty call and if i had i would have passed. nothing personal.

it wasnt honestly

i just wanted to smoke if i recall correctly

i dont know how all that happened

yeah thats what i thought to but then you kissed me

and it just caught me off guard big time

and i was in NO mood to fuck or fool around that day.

its all good

my bad

yeah thats what i thought to but then you kissed me

its cool man

i just, ya know, after what i went through with you and then thinking that you had just called me over for a booty call... LITTLE awkward

word no thats not what i wanted at all

yeah and then you trying to get me to jerk you off in the garage... nooooooooooooooot ok lol

lol did i?


i must have been fucked up

you seemed somewhat coherent

i dunno honestly i dont remember much about it

word. well nothin to change now.
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(no subject) [Jul. 31st, 2010|11:23 pm]
a luscious mix of words and tricks
johnny cash- boy named sue
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(no subject) [Jul. 16th, 2010|08:45 pm]
a luscious mix of words and tricks
The Doors', 'Strange Days', 'Waiting for the Sun', 'The Soft Parade', 'Morrison Hotel', and 'L.A. Woman'. 'An American Prayer'

'If the doors of perception were cleansed everything would appear to man as it is, infinite.'

read Ray's book. I read John's book. I read a lot of magazine pieces. Salli, I read your interview. I read Jac Holzman's book Follow the Music, which was really informative. And there were a couple of other books that I read. There was also The Jim Morrison Scrapbook. I got a lot out of that one.
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(no subject) [Jul. 5th, 2010|03:06 pm]
a luscious mix of words and tricks
'nothin's always somethin'
'well sometimes somethins nothin'
'not with you, with you it's always somethin, your turnin somethin in your head'

last day.
the end of a pretty fruitful relationship(s).
now thats done.
you're about to be gone forever.
ill never see you again.
i do wish you nothing but the best.
i hope you grow old and gray and find that last little piece of you that i've always sensed is missing.
but you'd never let me on (in more ways than one)
if i was dead on with that last one.
so be good to your wife, and to your son.
ill never know what their faces look like.
365 days of typing and clicking and selling.
selling myself to you in anyway i could.
always rejected, except once.
no one was around, you put your hand up my skirt.
made me shake in my chair.
and now mother nature's reminding me of my former self.
my former mistakes.
that i can't have you, i never could.
you have always belonged to your vows,
but i pulled you as far as you would
let me remember your smile and your laugh.
thank you for every little joke that helped me get through the robot days.
i still wonder what you would taste like, how your lips will feel on mine.
but as i said, you will be the one that got away.
i'm ok with that.
today i am grateful to have even been able to sit next to you.
ciao! richard.
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(no subject) [Jun. 29th, 2010|01:59 pm]
a luscious mix of words and tricks
Just an old friend coming over
Now to visit you and
That's what I've become
I let myself in
Though I know I'm not supposed to but
I never know when I'm done
And I see you fogging up the mirror
Vapor around your body glistens in the shower
And I wanna stay right here
And go down on you for an hour
Or stay and let the day just fade away
In a wild dedication
Take the moment of hope
And let it run
Never look back
At all the damage we have done now
To each other

But when I see you
It's like I'm staring down the sun
And I'm blinded
There's nothing left to do
and still I see you
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(no subject) [Jun. 15th, 2010|11:32 am]
a luscious mix of words and tricks
Well I have been happy the past couple days
Just thinking of the women who’ve taken your place
And every night I think I certaintly won't ever sleep sober or alone
And then suddenly it occurs to me
I've slept alone before you
And so I pour myself the stiffest drink my stomach can stand
And convince myself to lay back down again
I’m gonna lay back down, I’m gonna lay back down again

can i please have the attention of the class?
because i am at the end of my rope.
i am climbing up these walls of drama,
tearing them down piece by piece.
so go run your mouth, i know who has my back.
but i'm always waiting for the knife to drop down.
it's not that simple, always looking over your shoulder.
gets exhausting, touching up this mask.
since march i've felt placed in a place thats a place for everyone.
but now the truths laid up on the ceiling for everyone to see.
what a one track mind i have.
but i got you alone, in that lovely sweet place,
that i call my apartment.
i had forgotten how you taste.
thank god there's not much else i want you for.
but i had a beautiful, beautiful time.
thank you for whatever the fuck this is!
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(no subject) [Jun. 11th, 2010|04:23 pm]
a luscious mix of words and tricks
and just when I got fed up with that grey sky
the sun came out of no where like a bar fight
and it knocked out the wind and it bruised me with light
and I felt grateful for living just like I feel tonight
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(no subject) [Jun. 9th, 2010|02:13 pm]
a luscious mix of words and tricks
lines drawn across the bar.
spilling out words that have been crawling around my brain,
eating holes in my concentration.
"to whatever the fuck this is"
needing to confess my sins, my thoughts.
thank you for listening.
day or night.
black and white.
two puzzle pieces missing then found.
planning my next move.
trying to stay on the course.
but old habits die hard.
these are ones that are not so easily sacrificed.
they will not go quietly.
so i will lie through my teeth,
and try to get you alone.
should i have held back?
maybe so, but i feel so much better.
i catch every glance, every kiss.
it doesnt make me jealous.
you are just to tempting to taste and devour.
i am without a doubt, one big fat liar.
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(no subject) [Jun. 7th, 2010|12:22 pm]
a luscious mix of words and tricks
something you can't fake.
turn me on, tune me up.
puzzle pieces in the dark.
blunts and bluntly honest.
'why are you so fucking perfect?'
i'm sorry love,
but i belong to the stars and the wind.
lately i've been craving the ocean breeze.
dip my toes into the edge of this state of mind.
hot sun biting at my skin.
i'd like to get away for a while.
peace seems so out of reach.
i'd like to find it in the sand,
burried between the tiny rocks, under the waves.
such an awfully sweet dispostion i am in.
missed glances.
did you just mean what i think you meant?
but she pulled me away, asked me about fate.
i was as honest as i could be without giving myself away.
opinions from a genuine place.
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(no subject) [Jun. 1st, 2010|08:23 pm]
a luscious mix of words and tricks
We must talk in every telephone, get eaten off the web
We must rip out all the epilogues from the books we have read
And to the face of every criminal strapped firmly to a chair
We must stare, we must stare, we must stare.

We must take all of the medicines too expensive now to sell
Set fire to the preacher who is promising us hell
And in the ear of every anarchist that sleeps but doesn't dream
We must sing, we must sing, we must sing.

And it'll go like this, alright
While my mother waters plants my father loads his gun.
He says, "Death will give us back to God,
just like the setting sun
is returned to the lonesome ocean."

And then they splashed into the deep blue sea.
(Oh,)It was a wonderful splash.

We must blend into the choir, sing as static with the whole,
We must memorize nine numbers and deny we have a soul,
And to this endless race for property and privilege to be won
We must run, we must run, we must run.

We must hang up in the belfry where the bats in moonlight laugh
We must stare into a crystal ball and only see the past
And (in)to the caverns of tomorrow with just our flashlights and our love
We must plunge, we must plunge, we must plunge.

And then we'll get down there,
way down to the very bottom of everything
and then we'll see it, oh we'll see it, we'll see it, we'll see it.

Oh my morning's coming back
The whole world's waking up
Oh the city bus is swimming past.
I'm happy just because
I found out I am really no one.
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(no subject) [May. 27th, 2010|10:46 am]
a luscious mix of words and tricks
in a different time or place you would be perfect.
i could fall in love with you in an instant.
but that wall has been built and bolted up.
you are too similar to my former love.
too much alike for me to let you in.
because i know what i would be getting myself into.
the way you touch me is so fucking familiar.
like a memory tracing my skin with your fingertips.
feeling beautiful and wanted.
reminding me that lust is not lost on me.
i am not second best.
above and beyond my expectations.
but you are too close to who he was!
timing has never been my specialty.
whatever happened, happened.
but i cannot leave what i have learned behind.
growing up. moving on.
late night love sessions.
keep the sun from crawling in through the window..

So give me black light!
So give me hot knives!
(Deep clean sleep)
On a dance floor no one tells time!
(There is no time)

Oh, I've made love, yeah, I've been fucked, so what?
I'm a cartoon, you're a full moon, let's stay up!
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(no subject) [May. 20th, 2010|05:01 pm]
a luscious mix of words and tricks
lazy hazey days.
feeling LOST on so many levels.
late night car rides at two am with sunshine.
this is not exhaustion.
i fucking hate dissapointment.
being led to the edge then pulling back at the last moment.
the end is almost here.
moving on.
life doesnt stop.
keeps ticking on.
we loose it.
we abuse it.
so why cant we step THROUGH it?
we choose to live our lives on a schedule.
or is it a choice?
'i wish you had believed me'
locked up behind bars of doubt.
will it all come together in the end?
the shit just hit the fan.
you're gone.
thanks for...nothing?
no bitterness.
but i'll probably never see you again.
good luck to ya.

well it took so much effort, not to make an effort. oh what a flawless design!
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(no subject) [May. 19th, 2010|03:48 pm]
a luscious mix of words and tricks
breathe in and out slowly.
let the paranoia pass and passively slip back into oblivion.
keep ya chin up kid.
and keep it in your pants.
restrain yourself in these rusty chains.
taking advantage of every single second.
tip toe carefully between the lines.
falling overboard.
finding my center.
call me a keeper.
take back every single word i ever said.
overcoming obstacles one wave at a time.
getting lost in the clouds.
i feel as though i am being pulled in 2 million directions.
focus dammit!!
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(no subject) [May. 18th, 2010|12:49 pm]
a luscious mix of words and tricks
well i know now what i knew then but i didnt know then what i know now.

it'll happen. it'll happen.
thats all i hear these days.
but i am tired of waiting.
exhausted from patience.
tired of being second best.
i am better than that.
pushed to the limit only to fall flat on my back.
maybe i should spend less time on it.
but when i see what i want, i run for it, jump for it, fly for it.
beautiful moments under an umbrella.
beautiful moments of love on a trampoline.
leafs in my hair.
he held me close to keep me from drowning in the flood beneath our feet.
kissing his neck, persuasion.
but again, this will happen.
'as soon as i let go of this i'm going to run'
to where my dear?
across the country with your band?
69 MILES to go, keep up the beat.
a moment in a closet, switching gears.
unexpected willingness.
'this is the moment right now'
will you ever reapear?
or are you just another lost circumstance?
totally out of my league.
but i'd have you anyway.
if you'd have me back.
cross my heart and hope to fly far far away from this negativety.
self destruction.
sexual fucking tension.
keeping up with the silence.
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(no subject) [May. 18th, 2010|10:44 am]
a luscious mix of words and tricks
LinkLeave a comment

(no subject) [May. 17th, 2010|02:41 pm]
a luscious mix of words and tricks
keeping up the pace. listening to the sounds they all seem to make.
how many words can be used for desire?
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(no subject) [May. 14th, 2010|03:29 pm]
a luscious mix of words and tricks
fuck you rejection.
high hopes.
let down.
lovers quarrel?
i wonder what you'll taste like...
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(no subject) [May. 12th, 2010|03:57 pm]
a luscious mix of words and tricks
blank. totally blank.
empty space.
dead energy.
blow jobs.
more rejection.
moving on...
LinkLeave a comment

(no subject) [May. 10th, 2010|05:17 pm]
a luscious mix of words and tricks
did i just completely fuck up my karma?
bad advice could cost a life.
but not in the way you may think.
excuse me for my lack of wisdom almighty king.
please forgive my youthful encouragment on a situation i knew nothing about.
and now i know you never will.
60 days to get this done, it's over.
you will remain an unfulfilled desire.
an itch i never got to scratch.
something i must let go and not attempt any further.
59 days until i never see you again.
there will be no further exhange, just bullshit.
your smile, especially your laugh, your deep brown eyes.
the blue shirt, and the red shirt you wore were my favorites.
little things.
58 days and you're just another sexual memory.
this is unavoidable.
god DAMN it i can't believe you are the one that will get away.
lost cause? not really. i got something.
too bad it wasnt enough.
i will still think about you at night.
hope to run into you in some strange place,
maybe meet your wife?
never in a million fucking years would that ever happen.
57 days. remember me, try your best.
some girl with red hair who you never would give into.
you made that mistake once before.
older and wiser, you're the first to see the difference.
but ill crave you up until the last minute.
last fucking second.
just slip that hand up my skirt one more time...

he moves just like crisco disco
breath 100% listerine
he says looking at something else
but directing everything to me
every time anyone gets on their knees to pray
well it makes my telephone ring
and i'll be damned
he said you were right
no one's running this whole thing
he had a theory too
he said that god takes care of himself
and you of you
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(no subject) [May. 6th, 2010|02:39 pm]
a luscious mix of words and tricks
ravished and taken apart.
dismembered memories.
all this is lost in a dark room.
i feel his hands wrap them selves in my hair.
pull down hard.
makes me say his name like its a promise.
obey every command.
bruised with ecstacy.
you are toxic.
a hazard to my fucking health.
but i drink you in like youre some delectable poision.
savoring every single second.
well if you leave this world alive,
stop by and say high.
or maybe you'll just evaporate and become some
terribly suffocating regret.
where will you be ten years from now?
lets hope not.
you are getting too old for this shit.
get up, move on,
and prove all of these ass holes wrong.

So I blame this town, this job, these friends
The truth is it's myself
And I'm trying to understand myself
and pinpoint who I am
When I finaly get it figured out
I've changed the whole damn plan
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